You First
Relationship Goals, Pt. 2
Every time we gather as a group, these are some ways we ensure the best group discussion:
We make the circle safe by staying honest and transparent - leave the masks at the door.
We keep it inside the circle. Each person’s story is theirs alone to share.
We look to the Bible for wisdom and truth, and work together to let it shape how we see the world.
We don’t try to fix each other in front of each other or give unsolicited advice. We lovingly save hard conversations for private moments.
We respect each others’ time by starting and ending when we say we will.
We believe that in Jesus Christ, there is hope for everyone.
#youfirst = In our relationship... you are the priority
Ephesians 5:21
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Richard Foster
Submission is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way.
Colossians 3:18-19
“Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them
Ephesians 5:25 (NLT)
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.
Colossians 3:20-21
Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
What I’m learning about #youfirst
Forces me to admit “it’s not about me”
Leads to Freedom
Moves me from “here I am” to “there you are”
Enables me to serve
Makes me more like Jesus
Philippians 2:1-8
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
5 In your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Challenges
In what relationships do I think I’m more important?
In what areas of my relationships do I need to put “them” first?
Live with a high mission
Give each other grace
Start with M.U.D.
Memorable + Understandable + Doable
What was the most memorable part of the message or service this weekend for you personally? Why?
Did anything you heard challenge or influence how you think about God or your life?
How can what you learned influence or change how you live in everyday life? What tangible steps would it take to make that change a reality?
Additional Questions
In Ephesians 5, Paul tells husbands and wives to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Mike described the You First mindset as waking up every single day and thinking, “how can I help the other person thrive spiritually, emotionally, and relationally?”
What relationship would that You First mindset transform the most in your life if it was working at full strength in both directions?
Is the concept of biblical submission, especially in marriage, new or old to you? If it’s new, how does it come across? If it’s old, what kind of history do you have with it?
We all put ourselves first in different ways - but largely for the same reason. We all have a deep need to feel significant, and we will fight to feel significant because we fear that if we don’t fight for it, no one else will.
But Paul gives us a better solution in Philippians 2 when he encourages us to have the same mindset as Jesus and “value others above (our)selves.” When we all live with a You First mindset, no one actually has to fight for themselves.
Who makes you feel significant, important, valuable? How do they do that in practical ways?
In what ways do you see yourself fighting for significance because of a fear that if you don’t, no one else will? What toll does that take on your relationships?
“Dying to self” is not natural - it goes against all of our survival instincts and it’s something we have to fight for daily. We actually can’t count on the “big” opportunities to put others first; rather, we have to exercise that muscle in the little things so that it becomes second nature when we need it most.
What are some of the smallest practical ways you can start “lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get (your) own way” in your most important relationships?
Mike encouraged us to ask two important questions that would challenge us in this area. Answer each honestly, courageously, and practically:
In what relationships do I think I’m more important?
In what areas of my relationships do I need to put “them” first?
We are only responsible for our own You First mindset - we can’t demand it from others. But we should remember that submission very literally means to “come under the mission of another person.” So it IS our job to live with a high mission that is easy to come under.
How would you describe the “mission” of your life? What are some of the big goals driving your everyday decisions?
What would make that “mission” or those goals more attractive and compelling to come under?
