Men’s BBQ

Jim’s Talk

“If our feathered friends know it, the four-footed beasts experience it, why should we be so slow to learn it, together is better. Especially when hardship presses in and a tough pull is ahead, some men have caught it. They’ve reached out towards other men in moments of need and vulnerability, they’ve taken the risk and grabbed a few friends and it’s changed their world. The power of friendship, the strength of 2 or more can make you fly higher and longer, pull bigger loads and make you more of the man you were meant to be. Men together is how life is meant to be.”

- Stu Weber 

The All Alone Wound

  • A social, emotional, and spiritual loss caused by the lack of healthy male comradeship that results in…

    • Loneliness and discouragement

    • Foolish behaviors and blindspots

    • Short-sighted masculinity

Proverbs 18:1

“He who separates himself seeks his own desire; he quarrels against all sound wisdom.” 

2 Questions…

  • If you’re honest… Have you separated from the herd to seek your own desire?

  • Who have you not noticed that has separated from you or others?

When away from the herd we are vulnerable…

  • Get back

  • Go find

 

Loneliness and Discouragement

  • “We have acquaintances but no friends, all alone and we know it, the friendless American male is an epidemic today (SAID THIS IN THE LATE 90’S). Men are living lives of quiet desperation, disconnected from any authentic community with suppressed feelings, suppressed pain, suppressed longings with nowhere to go with it because you are all alone.”
    - Robert Lewis

 

Foolish Behaviors and Blindspots

  • Proverbs 14:12: “There is a way that seems right to a man, but the way therein is death” 

  • Foolish behavior: alone we can talk ourselves into anything 

  • Blindspots: Nobody, in relationship, is challenging us and our ideas. Social media and cable news doesn’t count. Alone we justify & affirm our biases and excuses.. There is a way that seems right to a man…

 

Short-Sighted Masculinity

  • we drift toward apathy

  • OR we bring our fight to the wrong battlefields

    • misidentify the enemy at times when we are isolated and alone

    • OR win battles at the cost of the war

  • Our short-sighted masculinity leaves collateral damage instead of a legacy

 

Some things you can do about it… 

  • Initiate - Reach out to other men - takes courage and you may experience rejection. Don’t let it be the middle school dance

  • Challenge men that you like to meet regularly with you to “get better”. 

  • Disclose - Get real and share your heart - talk about things of significance.

  • Enjoy - do life together - shared experiences and activity forge bonds.

Fire Pit Conversations

Ground Rules

  1. Don’t fake it - because that’s just a waste of time.

  2. Don’t fix anyone - just stick to listening and encouraging, that’s what we’re trying to accomplish right now.

  3. Keep it short - everyone needs a chance to share.

Q1

What have the past 12 months been like for you personally? In what ways have you “separated from the herd” or been able to stay connected? What have you seen from other guys and is there anyone you need to go after?  

 

Q2

What stood out to you or resonated with you around the “All Alone Wound” Jim talked about? 

 

Q3

Jim offered some things you can do about the alone wound. What are one or two things you can take from tonight that you can put into practice to allow you to go further in your journey to authentic manhood?