Session 6:
Codependency & Hope
Jump to a specific section using the timecodes below!
0:00 - Intro + Audio Versions
2:29 - Codependency as "relationship addiction"
8:00 - How do you know if your helping is helping or harming? (enabling)
11:27 - Mike asks about the prodigal son story // how prodigals learn
15:54 - Jim and Tommy debrief the 1st video (removing people's pain, prodigals)
18:22 - The codependent need to rescue others (Al-Anon)
23:27 - Codependents FEEL responsible for others' feelings, problems, and emotions
35:10 - "I'm OK when you are OK..." // Relationship addiction leads to controlling others' behavior
40:26 - Mike asks about how we help others see they're codependent without weaponizing it
42:06 - Jim and Tommy debrief the 2nd video (complexity and nuance of codependency, self-reflection questions, parenting)
48:45 - The neurochemical power of hope
52:49 - Unique current dangers for teens (self-harm, suicide, social media)
1:03:10 - The Hope Formula
1:06:16 - Jim and Tommy debrief the 3rd video (negative emotions, risk, doing the work, Session 7 preview)
Listen to the Audio Version: apple || spotify || google || anchor.fm
Questions for Reflection
Melody Beattie described a codependent person as someone who has let “another person’s behavior effect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”
Whose behavior affects me the most? How does it affect me physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally?
Is my helping coming from my own need to rescue?
As a child, did I feel repsonsible for adult behaviors?
Do I currently feel rsponsible for other people’s feelings, problems, and behaviors?
Every time that someone else messes up, do I feel guilty? Does that create anxiety in me?
What do I believe will happen if someone close to me messes up?
One outcome of codependency is enabling. A codependent often removes or pacifies someone else’s pain and effectively takes away that person’s motivation to change.
Has anyone ever done this to me? Has someone blocked me from pain in a way that actually held me back from growth or change?
Are there any relationships where I’m actively trying to remove pain or consequences from someone else’s life? What effect might that be having on them?
How has my level of hope changed throughout the course of this workshop?
What is the biggest risk I’ve taken recently, and what risk do I need to take next in order to grow and change?
Talk to someone about what you’re learning.
You can start a great conversation with a few simple questions whether they're going through this workshop or not. That conversation could help you internalize the content better, give you a better understanding of your own journey, and strengthen the relationship with the person you're talking to.
Whose behavior affects you most in life?
Has anyone ever removed obstacles, struggles, or challenges from your life in a way that actually left you stuck in a place you didn’t want to be?